Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Where's home?

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. After a whirlwind month of traveling, I'm finally getting settled back in to my routine in Chernivsti.

But some things have definitely changed. After spending 2 weeks "back home" in the United States, everyone told me it would be the hardest thing ever to come back to Ukraine. That getting a brief reminder of what life is like would make everything that has become normal to me look even worse. Pleasantly enough, this wasn't true.

I couldn't wait to come back! I wanted to come back to where things make sense to me. Granted I did break up with my boyfriend of 2 years while I was home and in general just had a much different trip than I expected, but going "home" gave me such a different perspective on where "home" really is.

Turns out, I live in Ukraine. Maybe you all have known this for the past 9 months. I knew it too. But I guess I didn't really REALIZE it. I get it now. Up until this point I feel like I was just "waiting out" 2 and a half years. Half of me was still back in the states.

I went back to New Jersey expecting everything to be the same. And for the most part it was. But I wasn't. Stepping back into my old life was a good mirror for me to see exactly how much I've changed. I'm stronger now, more independent. My friends say I'm more irritable and definitely more "East Coast" (turns out Ukrainians and New Jerseyans have more personality traits in common than most people think!).

I went back needing a brief reprieve from the everyday hardships that have become my life. I felt anxious and lonely and just wanted to indulge in the luxury that is the Great United States of America.

What I got was so much more. Sometimes I may feel anxious and weak when Ukrainians are screaming at me in a language I don't understand (in fact in happens every time I go to the post office, often just when I step out of front door!) but now I know I can handle it.

Ukraine may have hardened me in ways I didn't expect, but I needed some hardening up. I know my life is not going to get significantly easier anytime soon, but just realizing these few very important things, has at least made it...worthwhile.

I may have moved to Ukraine 9 months ago, but revisiting my old haunts that I no longer fit into, has really made me see where "home" actually is.

For better or worse, Here I Am.

Welcome Home.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Hey.. Interesting topic. Really liked it..

Let's Follow Zerowaste with Plastic Recycling Services!!